I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
