dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
