ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
