I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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