Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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