After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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