I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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