if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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