I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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