They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
