So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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