# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
