I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
