So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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