it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
