I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
