How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
