i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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