I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize