You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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