her vagine was all disorganized.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
