I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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