i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
