We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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