well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
