the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
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How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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