I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
