His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
