i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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