but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
