i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
