he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
