They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
