So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
