Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
