I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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