you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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