I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How does one acquire holy water?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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