So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
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definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
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Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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