I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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