I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
