just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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