Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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