Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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