Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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