Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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