Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
