I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
