but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have fence marks all over my body
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