Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Blood and glitter go together right?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
