the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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