is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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