honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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