what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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