i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
