I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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