So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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