It's Friday. Sex?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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