my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize