I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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