She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
