I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i now understand why vodka
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
