Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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