With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Damn victory sex feels great
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
