Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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