im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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