Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
