I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
